Friday, October 3, 2008

Real feminists don't fake orgasms

By Chloe Angyal

Just when I thought I'd run out of reasons to love Courtney Martin, of feministing.com:
First and foremost, you deserve pleasure. You deserve orgasms. You deserve to be honest about the presence or absence of orgasms. And of course, every sexual encounter doesn't have to lead to orgasm. Sometimes it's not happenin' for various reasons. You don't have to explain yourself. You don't have to perform some sort of ego-saving climax.

I know, I know, sometimes it seems like it's easier, especially with someone you don't know, to just pretend that the hook up is awesome so that you don't have to explain why it's not, teach some guy about basic female anatomy, or deal with his frowny face grumpy pants routine. But the path of least resistance, my feminist friends, is not cool in this case.

It's not cool for a couple of critical reasons. It's not cool because you deserve better--both physically and in terms of your own integrity. But it's also not cool to the rest of the poor gals who might be next in line with this poor fool who doesn't know where the frickin' clit is. Or whatever. You see where I'm going with this.


It is your feminist duty to 1) seek pleasure and feel entitled to it and 2) to make the world a more orgasmic place for other women.

If the last girl that had taken that dude home had taught him a thing or two about a thing or two, you wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. You hear me?

Damn right I hear you, Courtney.

She's writing in response to a passage in Michael Kimmel's new book Guyland that notes the gap between actual orgasms and perceived orgasms. That gap is huge, which means that some women are indeed faking it.

"When women received cunnilingus, only about a quarter experienced an orgasm, though the men who reported they had performed cunnilingus on their partner reported that she had an orgasm almost 60% of the time." To rephrase my last statement, A LOT of women are faking it.

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